I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
