update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
