We are two peas in an std pod
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
