So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
