During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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