there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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