Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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