Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
