it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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