phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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