the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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