Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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