I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
