actually, I'm a sock model
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
