if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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