shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
