Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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