Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
