so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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