i would punch a child for taco bell
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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