So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Randomize
