just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
