just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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