At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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