Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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