be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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