look no pants
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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