Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Small penises have feelings too.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
