I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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