Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
