trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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