Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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