i think my tv is drunk
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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