The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
