awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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