If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
