Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
