can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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