yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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