Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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