where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
