I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
