But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
