My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
