id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
