By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
