it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
