Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
