i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
