Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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