dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
