Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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