as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
