Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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