Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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