My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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