Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
