Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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